Facing Fears
by PacificRomance
Summary: Simply being in the same room as her has already reduced the tightness in my chest that was almost suffocating me earlier.


A/n: This story is going to be kind of like a collection of one-shots set in a divergent world where the war never happened. The plot of each chapter is going to kind of connect, but there isn't going to be much of a ~plot~ when it comes to the whole divergent issue and the POV is probably going to change throughout. Maybe someday that will change, but almost definitely probably not. But I think you will enjoy it anyway!

…

When Tobias finds me in the cafeteria at lunch, I immediately know something is up, and not just because he looks pale and his jaw is clenched so tightly I think it might explode. Usually his break from the control room doesn't overlap with the lunch hour they give me in the weapons development compound, so if he is here something must have happened.

I'm standing before he can say a word, following him out of the cafeteria, my hand sliding down his forearm to lace my fingers with his. Tobias doesn't say anything, even once we are back in his apartment sitting on the edge of his bed. If my mother was here, she would sit patiently with him and wait for him to speak when he was ready, but I've never been as good as my mother and I burst out, "Tobias, what _happened_?"

He continues to stare straight ahead and says in an even voice "Eric has the stomach flu so he can't go to the choosing ceremony this year. The leaders have decided that I should take his place to bring back the new initiates."

My heart drops and it all makes sense. All of the factions are present at the choosing ceremony; or more specifically, all the faction _leaders_ are there. Tobias's dad is an Abnegation leader. If Tobias goes he will have to see him for the first time since he transferred. Ever since I've gone through his fear landscape, Tobias has told me more about his childhood and I completely understand why he never wants to be in the same room as Marcus ever again. But saying no to the Dauntless leaders is not an option, especially without explaining why, which he could never do without looking like a coward.

There is no way for me to completely fix this, but I have to do what I can to help. "I'll go with you," I say without a second thought.

Tobias shakes his head, "You don't have to do that," He says, finally turning his deep blue eyes to me, "I know you had plans to wait here with Will and Christina. And your parents will probably be there too. I don't want to force you to see them"  
"You're not forcing me. Besides, it would be nice to see my parents, just to make sure they are doing alright." I squeeze his hand and press my forehead to his, "I'm not going to let you face him alone."

He sighs and gives me a gentle kiss, "Stay close to me, please."

"I will," I whisper, "I promise."

...

We ride the train with the other Dauntless on our way to the choosing ceremony and Tobias can't stop shaking. His hands, his feet….he would probably be drawing attention to himself if we weren't tucked away in a corner of the car. I place my hand on his thigh in an attempt to steady it. His movement pauses for a second as he looks over at me. I try to smile, but he doesn't return it. Instead he rests his head on my shoulder and envelopes my hand in both of his so his leg can continue its nervous bounce.

That bounces continue, even when we are in the meeting room. We're sitting near the back of the Dauntless section, blending into a sea of black in an attempt to disappear. The Abnegation come in last, once everyone has had a chance to enter, and when they do, Tobias goes completely still. He doesn't look at them, but I do. I see my parents and Marcus sitting near the front with the other Abnegation leaders and I don't know if it's because Dauntless used to be her faction or if it's because she feels someone watching her, but by some miracle my mother looks my way and our eyes meet. She smiles a tight-lipped smile which I return. I haven't realized just how much I missed her until this moment. I'm still sharing a look with her when I become aware that our connection has attracted the attention of Marcus, who turns to see me…and Tobias.

"He's spotted me, hasn't he?" Tobias asks, still staring at his hands; frozen in place. I don't know how he knows that without even looking at his father, but I guess he has years of practice being under Marcus's scrutiny. Tobias sounds tense, like he can't breathe in the same room as his father. I don't answer him. Instead I wrap my hands around his arm and lean into him so that we are completely connected from shoulder to feet. It was nice to see my mom, but I'm here to support Tobias and at this point, all I can do is stay as close as possible and comfort him.

Tobias didn't relax for moment throughout the ceremony and when it's over the Dauntless must walk right past the Abnegation to exit. This is going to be the hardest moment for him, so I keep his hand firmly in mine as we leave. When we pass Marcus I see him watching us. He is bold enough to make a move to stand and I can't stop the soft hiss that bubbles out of my throat. I don't know if he hears it, but Marcus certainly sees the death glare I give him and thinks better about approaching.

As soon as we are in the stairwell Tobias finally starts to relax and once we are on the train he even manages to crack a joke. "You were like a mama bear back there with that growling."

"You heard that?" I blush, but keep my eyes on him. He's smiling again and it makes me too happy to look away, even if I am embarrassed.

He pulls me into his side and kisses my hair, "Thank you for coming today."

…

_**Tobias POV**_

It's just before midnight when I wake up from the nightmare I knew I would have when I feel asleep. Despite Tris's presence earlier today, I knew being in the same room with him would inevitably lead to my father invading my dreams tonight. It really isn't an uncommon occurrence, but it typically leads to an early start to my day and I've gotten used to it. But this was worse than it's been since I transferred. Even though it was a dream, I can still feel the stings from his belt in my back and every time I close my eyes his face is floating right in front of me. A sleepless night right before the start of initiate training is not in any way ideal, but that's what it looks like I'm in for at the moment.

I wish Tris was here.

I wanted more than anything for her to stay with me tonight, but I would never ask her, not after knowing about her fear; her fear of me, of us. Whenever she is here I sleep peacefully, like I never could alone and on a night like tonight I crave her presence more than usual.

Today was a long day and my body is physically and emotionally exhausted so despite my best efforts my eyes drift shut again. Immediately I'm back in front of my father and the nightmare continues. When I startle awake it's only been a few minutes, but it felt like hours and I realize something has to change. I can't survive this night like this.

When Tris has nightmares (usually about Peter, or Al, or someone finding out about our divergence) she will sometimes sneak over to my place. She always seems ashamed, but she doesn't know that she's helping me too. I would love to go to her apartment now, but she lives with that friend of hers, Christina, and I really don't want to look weak in front of anyone else, especially not that Candor smartmouth.

However, when I feel my eyes start to droop again and I look at the clock and see only 5 minutes have past I know I need to forget my pride. I pull on a T-shirt and some sweat pants and walk down two hallways to reach Tris's door. Christina works a late shift in the pit and is a bit of a night owl, so I'm assuming she'll still be awake. I'm about to knock again when my assumption is proved correct and the door swings open. "Four, what are you doing here? Tris is asleep." Christina says with her usual straight forward attitude. Christina isn't my favorite person. Despite her transfer, she is still very Candor-like in her personality; very open and curious and prodding, which isn't really welcome by someone like me with a lot of walls and secrets. But she has always been a great friend to Tris, so I do my best to get along.

"I figured as much," I say, stepping around her into the apartment, "I just really need to see her."

Christina arches an eyebrow, "I'm not going to wake her up so you can discuss knife-throwing strategy or whatever it is you two are always whispering about."

I walk past her, "I'm not asking you to. I needed you to let me in and you did. Now I'm going to see my girlfriend."

"Well when she gets mad at you make sure you tell her that I did not encourage this little booty call!"

I ignore her and slowly open the door to Tris's room. I try to slip in and let as little light in as possible, but she still stirs. She sits up when the door closes and tilts her head in confusion, "Tobias? Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

I say nothing. Simply being in the same room as her has already reduced the tightness in my chest that was almost suffocating me earlier. I walk across the room and sit next to her on the bed, "Can I stay here tonight, Beatrice? Please?" She looks at me for a moment and puts her hand on my cheek before she pulls the covers back and makes room for me to crawl in next to her. Once we are lying down facing each other she speaks in a quiet voice, "Your dad?" I nod. She studies me before continuing, "This isn't the first time."

It's not a question. That's how well she reads me. I shake my head and tell her, "But it's the worst since I came here."

"Oh Tobias." It's not said with pity. It's more of a mixture of sadness and understanding. I'm sure she's suspected that the horrors of my childhood aren't entirely behind me, but I've never confirmed as much for her before now.

I rest my head on her chest and she strokes my hair and says, "Let's get some sleep. You have a long day of scaring initiates tomorrow."

I can't help but chuckle as I start to drift off. I'm glad she doesn't dwell on it. It's just one of the reasons I love her. And I sleep through the night, without another nightmare.


End file.
